Gay in the 21st Century? Time for a bit of Liberalism

I will never forget the first time I told someone I was gay. It was in my village pub in deepest Norfolk, which will explain many things for those familiar with the phrase “Normal for Norfolk”, and it was one of my dearest friends. I was frightened - but not quite in the way most people were. I was frightened because I didn’t want the revelation to change my life. I didn’t want it to change how people viewed me. I didn’t want it to change who my friends were, nor did I want to change how I acted, nor how terribly I opted to dress. At the time I had a penchant for rugby shirts and sandals, a heinous combination if ever there were one.

It was to be years until I told anyone else, in a fit of discontent in my second term in Oxford, and quickly the secret was out. And yet, a very good family friend remarked to me recently that he’d known, as my mother had, since I was around ten. So much for keeping it under wraps. However, my problems didn’t end there, and my worries - which I remember all too clearly from my misgivings in teenagerism - remain apparent.

One of my first encounters with a man after the entire world knew I was a raging homosexual ended with my being encouraged to sleep around. Another man told me I couldn’t be gay and be a Conservative. I remember feeling out of place at any LGBT gathering: I didn’t “fit in” with the gay consensus.

This didn’t stop. Just a few months ago I went with a friend to a “pres” for Haute Mess, a LGBT party. It must be conceded: I wasn’t exactly dressed for the occasion. There I was, going full posh boy, in my chinos and purple wool jumper, surrounded by folk wearing in some cases little more than duct tape and laced tights. No matter, I thought; I should still be able to have a nice time.

Alas, it was not to be. Every time I endeavoured to start a conversation, without fail backs would turn on me. What had I done wrong? What was my faux pas? Everyone else was getting on just fine. The only thing I could put it down to was my accent, my dress sense and my general personhood. I was not gay enough. I wasn’t chanting along to big brother – the thought police were onto me.

Someone once tried to explain to me why gays can’t be Conservatives. I must concede, the answer mildly amused me, given that a Conservative Prime Minister legalised gay marriage, and if you look around our committee in OUCA you see any number of gay folk. The explanation was that, during the 1980s, the miners came out in support of the LGBT pride groups in opposition to Section 28. Thus, all people who aren’t quite as straight as a Roman Road have a duty to be as socialist as it comes. Comrades – unite round the bend! Now, regardless of what one thinks about that quite dodgy, and quickly repealed piece of legislation, why on earth should it make a jot of difference, when the Conservative party has progressed along with the rest of the country? 

Perhaps, then, it’s time for a rethink. A rethink of what it means to be gay. To make it clear to people that being gay doesn’t mean that you have to do anything differently, without feeling persecuted doubly. Once by homophobes, and again by the gays. A new, liberal approach to LGBT issues, trying to make all feel welcome, but truly this time. Not welcoming into the fold only those who are willing to change who they are, but welcoming people as they are.

I will never change how I dress. I will not change how I speak. I will not change my political opinions, nor should I feel compelled to do so. It is up to other gay folk to learn that gay creatures can come in all sizes, shapes and contortions. It is up to all of us to understand exactly why it matters. A challenge to all those who have dealt with their feelings of oppression by shutting out people like me, those who enjoy creating so-called “safe” spaces and gay hiding holes: open up and accept all people, regardless of orientation or presentation.

Being gay simply determines whom you accompany into horizontal mode. Or perhaps, as the dearly beloved points out, maybe not even horizontal. It should never determine anything more about you, unless changing yourself in some way makes you happy. To say that you must dress gay, sound gay, vote gay is but a perversion of schoolboy bullying. Stand up to the bullies and, to misquote Fleetwood Mac, do it your own way.

If you want to discuss more about LGBT issues please do attend our LGBT drinks, on Thursday of 1st week (17th October) in Magdalen College. Attending is guest speaker, Conor Burns MP.

Toby Morrison (President, Ex-Political Officer, Ex-Publications Editor, Magdalen College) is an undergraduate in his third year of studying Politics, Philosophy, and Economics.